32 and no kids in sight...

Today, I celebrated my 32nd birthday. I woke up to the sweetest card, left at my bedside by my husband. My sister came over and cooked me a birthday breakfast...chocolate gravy & biscuits (my fave!) It's a southern thing...don't knock it, till you've tried it! :) We sat and visited for hours...that time with her was the best birthday present she could have given me. I received phone calls, text messages, emails, blog comments GALORE...all wishing me a happy birthday. My sister-in-law came by with the sweetest gift and we were able to sit and catch up...love you, E! I ended the evening with my homegroup, which surprised me with cards, cake & presents...they are so precious. I'm blessed to be surrounded by so many people that I love dearly and that love me right back.

Throughout the day, I couldn't help but think about the fact that I'm 32 and have not one child. Upon first getting married (at 19), the plan was to start our family 10 years down the road. Now 10+ years have passed and still, no kids in sight. I went back and read some of my posts from when I first started blogging and I had such enthusiasm. I was so excited about starting the fertility treatments and just knew that we would be pregnant with twins after the first cycle. (LOL) I had no clue just how hard this road would be. I also had no clue just how awesome it would be. The up's, the downs, the excitement, the tears, the certainty, the anger, the broken heart. But yet in the end...a thankful heart...a full heart. I sit here crying, just thinking about how God continues to make something so beautiful out of such a hurtful process. The fertility treatment process isn't an easy one. This is one of the hardest and most trying things I've ever been through. The disappointment has been huge. Yet I still wouldn't trade it for a baby, ten babies even. How awesome it will be to hold my baby in my arms and finally see the entire picture that God saw from the very start. Oh, what a day that will be...and oh, what a wonderful day this has been! Thank you to everyone who made it so very special.

Love to all,
Jill