Tuesday, November 25, 2008

For this I am thankful...

Well, I'm closer to finishing my Christmas decorating. I decided last night that I would stay up until I was tired and work on everything. That ended up being 1:30am. Unfortunately, a lot of the side effects of the lupron depot have hit me all at once...headaches, insomnia, a few hot flashes, but the hardest has been that I have very little desire to do anything. I have found myself crying A LOT and on a daily basis. It was getting harder and harder for me to get out of bed and start my day. I finally called my doc yesterday and told him what was going on. I knew there was no way I could make it through the holidays feeling this way, let alone the next 3 months. He called something in and I'm hopeful that it will kick in over the next few days and I will start feeling some what 'normal' again. I love the holidays way too much to feel like sleeping through them.

I volunteered at the Union Rescue Mission, this morning. What a wonderful organization. We handed out hundreds of boxes for families to have a Thanksgiving meal of their own. As I handed boxes to these families (some who came on foot), it was a huge dose of perspective for me. God has blessed me beyond measure and I lose sight of that sometimes. I focus on this one thing that has become my job, so to speak. The occupation of trying to conceive. I so don't want to be that person. It's something that I have to fight on a daily basis...sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. God reminds me that I'm so much more than that and He desires way more for me than that. I'm so thankful that He doesn't give up on me.

We were encouraged on Sunday to list what we're thankful for...to count our blessings.

For this I am thankful...

I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father...He came, He died and He gave me eternal life. He is truly my source of strength.
I'm thankful for my husband...he is so patient with me. He always shows me unconditional love. And trust me when I say, that's not so easy these days.
I'm thankful for my church...it's a place where I can go and totally be myself. It's the one and only place that I want to be on Sunday.
I'm thankful for my family...God chose the best family in the world for me to be born into and then He blessed me again with a wonderful family to marry into. There is nothing like having family that you truly enjoy spending time with, that you want to be around as much as possible, with whom you are best friends.
I'm thankful for God's provision...financially, these aren't the best of times for many, but God has blessed Alex with a wonderful job that provides for our needs as well as our wants.
I'm thankful for my infertility...though this is at the bottom of the list, I certainly have a need inside me to find ways to be thankful for this. As hard as it is most days, I can still see the blessings that have come from my infertility. I pray that I never lose sight of those things, for it's those things that God uses to teach me and to remind me of just how far He has brought me.

Love to all,


Sarah P said...

I have followed your blog for a while now and been constantly amazed at your ability to focus on the positive.
I am so, so glad you are getting some help because the combination of the drugs and just the stress of trying to conceive can be overwhelming.
Like you I have been married for twelve years and am blessed with a great husband. Lots of love and prayers for you both xxxx

twondra said...

I hope you feel better soon sweetie! It's no fun to not feel "normal" and it's hard for others to understand. I'm thinking of you! (((HUGS)))

I Believe in Miracles said...

You have a new Christmas look! I like it. :o)

I love your thankful list. That is so true. I can echo many of them from my own situation.

And I am tired of lupron too. I cannot even begin to imagine 3 months. Wow. I'm hoping the supplement really helps.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too.


Mel said...

And I am thankful for you. You are one of the most inspiring people I have come across and can I say that often when I am feeling blue I think of you and remind myself that your courage and constant smiling face are motivation to pull myself out of whatever rut I'm in at the time. We are all so blessed by our struggles and as much as it hurts and breaks us down, God does know what he is doing. He is always working for the good of those who trust him.
I hope you get to feeling better and I will be praying for you.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Joannah said...

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I wish I could come spend the day with you and help you decorate!

You have much to be thankful for! I, too, have tried to see infertility as a blessing. Something good will come from this experience. It has to!

You remain a constant inspiration to me. Thank you for enduring this challenge with grace.


Rathi said...

Sorry you are having a tough time. Just know that there are people who know what you feel, and are willing to listen.. You can email me if you want to! Yes, there is a lot to be thankful and I also think that infertility is a blessing. Without it, I would not have met all of you wonderful girls in bloggy land! Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Faith said...

Jill, I'm so sorry that you have been having such a rough time. I pray that this will do the trick and get you feeling back to yourself again.

The Lord has been dealing with me on the same thing as I approach Thanksgiving. I love your list. We truly do have so much to be thankful for!

Hope you and your family have a very blessed Thanksgiving!

Polly Gamwich said...

AHH! Perspective is SO GOOD isn't it? It's so easy to get caught up in the very justifiable pain that we expereince in this journey ... but to see that we really do have so much.

I also am grateful for the infertility ... it is clear that God is using them. We are being molded and shaped, only the enemy deosn't want us to surrender this piece of our lives ... b/c then God can really get in there and be glorified!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Jim and April said...

thanks for sharing this with us! Hope you have a great thanksgiving!

Hope said...

am thankful for you! You have such a way with words, you give hope and comfort to me and others.

(HUGS) Happy thanksgiving!

KE II said...

Thank you for your post, I really needed to be reminded of a few things you wrote... with love.