Thursday, May 15, 2008

A sad day...

I woke up early this morning and went in to have blood drawn. It took all of 5 minutes. I had already planned to spend the day in Hot Springs with my parents...Mom said we could shop all day to keep my mind off of it. I arrived at their condo around 10:30 this morning and needed to go to the bathroom immediately. There was blood...at that moment my heart sank. My Mom tried to reassure me that it didn't mean anything. I told her that I wanted to go shopping and not think about it. We were walking into our first store and the phone rang. It was the clinic. The nurse said it was a negative bloodtest...I'm not pregnant. My heart broke upon hearing those words. I immediately needed to get in my car and drive home. I had been there all of 30 minutes but knew I wouldn't be good company. I needed Alex.

I had an hour to drive back home and Alex met me at the door. We've been curled up in the bed every since...crying. Neither of us understand it but know God has a purpose.

The nurse was talking to me about a FET (frozen embryo transfer) but I'm not sure that I can jump back into another cycle right now...I think it's going to take some time. We had no idea the way it would hurt if/when we received the call that it didn't work. Now we do...and we're just not sure our hearts can take it again, so soon.

We weren't going to share the news until Saturday but to be honest, we need your prayers right now more than ever...we're grieving for the two babies that didn't stay.

No matter the outcome, it is His best for me...

Love you all,
Jill

16 comments:

PJ said...

I'm so sorry. This whole process so just so emotionally draining.

(((((((HUGS)))))))

andrea_jennine said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. Praying God's comfort for you right now...

Monte and Missy said...

Our Father - Lord God, we grieve with our loved ones Alex and Jill for the loss of these 2 lives. We ask for your boundless gracious love to bring comfort and perfect peace to their hearts and minds. We know that you are Sovereign over all and Creator of all life. May we all find hope and joy in these truths of who You are. Thank You for the comfort in knowing that You now hold these babies in Your loving arms. Father, even in these times, may Alex and Jill be able to say that the joy of the Lord is their strength. In Jesus' name, Amen.

We love you and are praying for you both.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

gracechild said...

Hugs to you baby. I was really hoping and praying you would not have to go through this disappointment because your spirit has been such an encouragement to me. Just remember that His plans are still to give you a hope & an expected end

Anonymous said...

Praying Alex and Jill; we all are and we love you dearly. ab

Mya said...

I"m so sorry. You are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

May God be with you and give you strength during this difficult time. May you be blessed with His comfort and peace.

BB and MTB said...

Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry that this did not work. I know what it is like to have such hope and faith that everything will finally work only to be disappointed. Although we try to prepare ourselves for all the possibilities, it's hard when the answer is not the one we seek. I hope that you can find peace, and that you and Alex find the strength to move on with whatever comes next. My thoughts are with you.

Alicia said...

It hurts me to even type... only God's grace is enough today. I love you both. A

Becky said...

Sorry to pop in....I think that I found you on Hope and Despair...
I have tears as I read your words as I was where you are for 7 long years. I am since an adoptive mom to 2 wonderful children!
God indeed has a plan and a purpose and I pray you feel his peace while you wait!!
Feel free to visit me and read our stories under the adoption and infertility links.
Hang in there!

sara said...

Jill, I am so so sorry. Take all the time you need to grieve. Lean on your husband for support, and know I'll be saying some prayers for you guys. Hugs.

Elaine said...

I am praying for you right now. You and Alex are in my thoughts!

Alison said...

I am so sorry Jill. My heart is breaking for you and Alex. I will be praying for you!

amy <> said...

I'm crying for you. I have been through a lot of disappointments with infertility and it's so beyond describable how it feels... and of course different for everyone. I am praying over you and your husband. I'm praying that God fill you with peace that can only comes from Him. He is faithful.

But my eyes are fixed on you, O Sovereign LORD;
in you I take refuge. Psalm 141:8

(I found (and still do) such comfort in the Psalms when struggling with infertility.)

Ahuva Batya said...

Jill, I have been gone and am just catching up. I am so, so sad to read this news. You have such a hopeful spirit and I know you will move past this, but I could just cry for you right now. I'm so sorry. You deserve success, after all the work you went through.

Kristen said...

Jill,
I am praying for you right now.
I am sorry! I don't like to hear the sad news. I know from experience that I cannot say anything to make it better...
Just know that I am praying!

Kristen