Saturday, May 9, 2009

Praying, Waiting, Crying, Trying...

It's hard to believe that this Mother's Day, I'm a Mother. I've been thinking about this post all week. I was excited about it and dreading it at the same time. Excited because after 3 years of praying, waiting, crying, trying, God has answered our prayers and has given us our miracle baby. Alex and I thank God on a DAILY basis for this life inside of me. Today, I sat in the room that will be the nursery and cried. I praised Him for what He has given me and yet my heart was heavy for those of you that are still praying, waiting, crying, trying. My own Mother has always been such an encouragement on Mother's Day. She would always buy me a mom-to-be card and write an encouraging note/scripture inside...assuring me that my day would come. I remember reading those cards and just crying. I wanted to believe it would happen, but found it hard to even imagine when or how it ever could. The pain is dreadful. I've experienced heartache in my life, but it was nothing compared to that of infertility. You feel broken. Like there's something wrong with you. Defective. Unless you've been there, it would be hard for you to understand what I'm talking about. I dreaded going to church, restaurants...really I dreaded anything on that day that required me getting out of bed. I just wanted to sleep through it. Everything on that day is a constant reminder of what you don't have, what you can't have...a baby.

I write this post, not to be a downer. I write it to those that are still praying, waiting, crying, trying...girls, know that God is right there beside you. Know that there is no one better to run to with tears streaming down your face, tomorrow, than Him. He will wrap you up and ease that dreadful pain. And He will do even better than that...when you least expect it, He will give you your miracle. If you can't hang on to that and believe it, know that I'm believing it for you.

Mom, thanks for always believing it for me, when I didn't have the heart or strength to believe it for myself. You've always given unconditional love and support and for that I am thankful. I love you so much!!

Happy Mother's Day

12 comments:

G & H said...

thank you for such a sweet post and thinking of those of us not on the other side of infertility yet...i am so happy for you though and your first of a lifetime of mother's days to come!

Seraphim said...

Jill I'm so happy for you. And your mother is pretty wonderful too. Just like you xxx

becca said...

Happy Mother's Day Mama! I hope you soak in today for all its worth!

Rathi said...

Thank you so much for writing that!!! Made me tear up! Hope you have a wonderful Mother's day!!!

The Patterson's said...

What a great post, Jill! I, too, believe that God will give us our miracle.

Happy Mother's Day to you!

Shannon said...

Loved this post.

Heather said...

Jill- This made me cry and I couldn't have said it any better myself. I love you...and am celebrating your miracle faith baby along with mine today. And praying my heart out for everyone still waiting. He is good. He is faithful. He loves us all so much and like you said, He carries us through the hard times and longs to bless every one of us.

Cheryl said...

Jill, Your post is so real and encouraging! Thanks for sharing these words! Happy Mother's Day!

courtney said...

Thank you Jill.

Sara and John William's Mom said...

so sweet Jill, now your time has come to celebrate this day with joy and thankfulness and what a great testimony now you have to minister to those still waiting! God is good:)

Kristina said...

Beautifully said! I try so hard to "check out" on days like yesterday. We are not around our families to honor OUR moms and since I am NOT a mom, YET, it's just a normal Sunday. But, not quite! Thanks for the encouragement!

Faith said...

Thank you Jill. This is a beautiful post. I am so glad that you were able to celebrate yesterday as a mother, and I thank you for your prayers for the rest of us that are longing for that day to come. Still praying for you and Baby A!

Love you!
Faith