His ways are better than my ways...

I was at the doctor's office by 8:00am. They drew blood and then I was off to waste the hours until I received the call. I went to Panera Bread for breakfast. I was too anxious to eat my meal, so I went to the park for a while. I sat on the swing set and thought about what it would be like...to actually have a child to take to the park. How much fun that would be. My mind quickly went to, what if the test is negative? What will we do? How will we feel this time around? I sat in the swing for quite a while and then decided to hit a few stores, in efforts to keep my mind occupied on other things (as if that was possible). I went to a couple of stores and started feeling sick, so I went home to lie down. By this time, it was around 11:00am. I was making myself sick just thinking about the test results, so I decided to try and sleep. I fell asleep for an hour, woke up, watched some tv and continued to wait. Finally, the phone rang! It was 2:05pm.

Me: "This is Jill"
Nurse: "Hi Jill, this is ---- from the clinic"
Me: "Yes?"
Nurse: "We have the results of your beta"
Me: "Yes?"
Nurse: "Unfortunately, it was negative"

I have no idea how the conversation went after that...I just wanted off the phone. I was fighting back tears.

I immediately called Alex and he came home from work. Our response is very similar to the last failed cycle...lots of tears, lots of questions, aching hearts, etc. There is a difference though...even as I was crying, I thought to myself, "I put my confidence in God, His ways are better than my ways." I want to praise Him in this and though I may not know how at this very moment, I have no doubt that He will receive glory from this painful, disappointing outcome.

Thank you all, for your prayers and encouragement during this cycle. We are unsure as to what our next steps will be. We may begin a journey towards adoption, we may try one more cycle...we're unsure at this point. I ask you to pray that our future steps would be clear.

"Everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, the Scriptures give us strength to go on, they cheer us up and give us hope" Romans 15:4

Love to all,
Jill

FET update...

I went for my first U/S and lab today. I wasn't sure how I would feel, being back in the doc's office and all. The last time I was there, it was for the failed IVF follow-up. I was very teary and I remember my heart feeling extremely heavy walking through those doors. It's an understatement to say that I didn't want to be there and even questioned whether I wanted to ever go back.

Thankfully, those feelings have long passed and today's appointment went quite well! I was in and out in less than an hour. The estrogen injections are working quite nicely. I'm so glad I switched to injections over patches this time around...I find them easier to deal with. My endo lining looks fab...it was over 9, which the doc said is great! My ovary is supposed to be 'resting' during this time and from what the doc said, it's snoozing away with no cysts in site! Looks like they will be thawing our little one in the very near future...we're looking at an October 1st transfer!

I have been a bad girl and have been drinking regular coffee instead of decaf this time around. I tried to start out with decaf but it just tastes awful and I honestly feel like I did everything 'right' last time and it had no bearing on the outcome. I truly believe that God is in control of it all and He will give me a healthy pregnancy when the time is right...caffeinated coffee or not. :)

I have been pretty emotional over the past week...the hormones are definitely in full swing. I feel like I'm more aware of it this time around though. If I snap at someone (which unfortunately, I have done), I find myself crying and apologizing within seconds of doing it. Luckily, I have an awesome husband and family and they have been very patient and supportive.

I do have to say that preparing for a FET has been MUCH easier than preparing for a fresh cycle. I'm thankful for that!

Well, I guess that's all for now. Just wanted to give a quick update!

Love to all,
Jill

Blessings...

Well, I feel like I haven't really blogged in quite sometime so I guess it's time for an update!

I have nothing but blessings to share...

First off, after a month of non-stop remodeling (we had an awesome team!) we are now in our new building! We had our first service in the new building last Sunday. We had the Lord's Supper for the first time as a church which was really special. God has provided for this new church every step of the way and I don't believe He intends to stop now. I believe great things are in store for Journey Church. I'm very thankful God has allowed Alex and I to be a part. I truly can't wait for the day when God gives us children that we can bring up in this church. My parents say that seeing all 6 of their children serving in local bodies is the greatest gift. The closer I become to being a parent, the more I think about this. I look forward to watching my kids grow...and Lord willing they will not only grow up, but most importantly grow spiritually and give their lives to His work. It's truly the best job to have. :)

Secondly, it has finally stopped raining here...yay!! I thought I was going to go insane. I hear the coffee is good but I could never live in Seattle.

And lastly, we're leaving for Florida on Saturday morning!! We're riding down with Cary, Sara and Jackson (my bro and his fam). I'm looking forward to a road trip with lil' J! He is a doll-face but he's also just a really cool kid. Here's a pic of my road trip buddy. Love this little guy. :)

Oh, and I almost forgot! After a very relaxing, almost 4-month break, we start (IM) estrogen injections tonight in preparation for our FET. This means I will be shooting up while on vacation but all is good...she said I can take them in the evenings which means I can still sleep in. :) Love to all!